Not only do we work with South Americans and Native Americans, but we also partner with our local religious, non-religious, kind-of-religious-but-not-the-church-going-type, and the utterly confused. Smoothiest Smoothies has been endorsed by Mahatma Gandhi, Buddha, Jesus, Obama, Muhammed, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
While touring our facility, Jesus commented, “The Smoothiest Smoothie elixir that is so delightful to thy poor and orphaned, which this company produceth, will giveth one salvation in heaven if thou shalt drink it in quantities hundredfold.”
But the amazing, awesome, happy, positive things about Smoothiest Smoothies don’t end there. For every bottle purchased, we will personally pet an orphaned kitten. For every twenty-four-pack purchased, we will start an anti-racism Facebook campaign. For every fifty-pack purchased, we will sell you the company.
You can find our product in Whole Foods, Natural Grocers, Vitamin Cottage, Whole Grocers, Natural Foods, Vitamin Foods, Whole Vitamins, and Natural-Whole-Cottage-Vitamin Foods or direct from our headquarters in the back of Pete’s van. When you find our product, please put some in front of the Naked and Odwalla juices because Naked Juice CAUSES BRAIN CANCER and Odwalla ABUSES BABY BUNNIES.
At Smoothiest Smoothies, we are a discrimination-free, safe, pro-tolerance, anti-hate, awkwardly long hug environment. We accept everyone no matter what race, gender, orientation, weight, height, ring size, coffee preference, literature taste, or Hogwarts house identification. We are tolerant of everything but intolerance and Conservatives.
If you have any questions about our beliefs, practices, or smoothies, please see the photos of local Colombians picking mangos, the ridiculously cute Mexican child holding a trowel backwards, or the group photo of us looking sweaty. Like our Facebook page, follow us on Twitter and Instagram, read our WordPress blog, watch our YouTube channel, and read our new book: Smoothiest Smoothies: The Smoothiest Ever? Thank you for your support!